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Mrrello, I'm Bonnie Underfoot, aka The Attack Tabby. I'm not quite 9 years old and I run a household with two adult humans and a boy I've raised since he was a klutzy toddler. I work hard managing these lesser beings. They are so difficult to train! But my hard work has paid off in good food, a warm bed with a fluffy blanket, daily treats, and a relatively clean litter box. They even bought me my own water fountain so I didn't have to wait and wait and wait in the sink for them. A little fetching when I was younger, and I had them wrapped around my tail.
Or so I thought... I slacked off for a moment in late October, and a young tabby named Victor presumed to adopt MY woman! He entered MY home without MY permission. And he's STAYED! This is MY house, which I have faithfully defended from many offensive, invading humans who claim to be "friends" of my people. I've completely intimidated a pair of so-called Cat Sitters. I've protected my humans against a number of door-to-door salesmen. I even made someone allergic to cats sneeze with just a recording of my voice. I may have no front claws, but I can growl, hiss, swat, and bite. So I do.
What has cowed many silly human beans has
no effect on that silly Cow Cat. Victor is 1 now and thinks he's something special, climbing all over stuff and snuggling my woman at every opportunity. I've told him what I think, but he won't listen. He doesn't even fight back! He's such a suck-up. He makes me
very upset and I'm
not letting my staff forget what they've done to ME. Most recently, I finally deigned to touch him and sort of... pushed him down the stairs. It was quite satisfying, but the stoopid youngster
liked it. I thought they'd make him leave when he climbed on the counters and stole food off their plates, but
NO! My staff,
MY staff, forgive him. I'm so ashamed.
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Ok, back to ME, not
HIM. Besides the fluffy blanket, my favoritest place to sleep is my puter chair. I have my man use it just enough to keep it properly scented and tenderized, then I make him leave it for me all day and all night. You could call it my throne, from which I manage the house. I don't do laps. I don't snuggle. I don't even really like people touching me at all, but when I need a belly rub, my man knows how to do it right. That's his reward for proper behavior.
My favorite treats are Temptations, salmon from the people's plates, and of course, catnip. I have them grow it for me near my house so I can get it fresh. Hence, my membership in Catnip Anonymous. I
had a favorite fluffy crinkle ball, but Victor stole it and slobbered on it. Yuck. He hasn't stolen my catnip mat or my pink mousy. Those are MINE. MINE, I tell you!
Next that little brat will be joining MY tabby club, too. He's more white than tabby; he shouldn't be allowed.Yes, I'm grumpy and irritable, but I
enjoy being grumpy and irritable. Deal with it.